When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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