I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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