oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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