This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it's great music for shaving your balls
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
