I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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