last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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