i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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