All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
