The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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