HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
