why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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