I'm going to jail i love you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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