guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
