apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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