I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
