my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
