Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize