I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ttyl tear gas
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
