she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
