Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
