He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
