did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
