i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
