someone owes me an orgasm
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
