I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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