I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
