i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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