So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
