somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize