I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want nice things and good sex
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
