Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
