yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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