Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
