I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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