Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
