If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
