I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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