I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
