He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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