Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
