I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
