Me too!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
