i can't believe i had my finger in that
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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