I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
