And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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