I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
