I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Holy sore nipples Batman
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
