mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
