just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
