I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
