loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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