So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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