My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
