I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
