I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
