girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
