I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
