when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
