i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
