how can u be prego again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When are your genitals available?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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