I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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