You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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